Ever since leading man and human jawline Tom Cruise revealed the extremely droll Top Gun sequel title of Top Gun 2: Maverick, we’ve heard very little about the new Jerry Bruckheimer-powered followup to the 1986 cult classic. And this leaves us worried, especially since Cruise and “Iceman” Val Kilmer are both three decades older. Will Maverick and Iceman fly one of those exciting new F-35s? Will Rob Riggle finally fly with the Blue Angels?! Did someone lose that lovin’ feeling?!?
We have no ideas, but the Internet does. Here are a bunch of somewhat alarming and totally imagined storylines for Cruise’s bare-chested return to the sultry sands of Miramar’s pristine volleyball courts in the age of ISIS and drones.
Top Gun 2 is just 90 minutes of Maverick in a holding pattern because drones have priority over the airspace.
— B. A. Friedman (@BA_Friedman) June 21, 2017
This is why I joked that Top Gun 2 will involve Maverick sitting in a VA waiting room waiting to see a doctor.
— Doug Mataconis (@dmataconis) May 26, 2017
Top Gun 2: Maverick finds the courage to fly again, but not to tell Fat Iceman that he's no longer attracted to him & their marriage is over
— Pat Dussault (@PatDussault) May 24, 2017
In Top Gun 2 "Maverick" Mitchell will still be "dangerous" and "living on the edge" by going to Early Bird specials and Bingo by himself.
— Steve Cooper (@coopertalk) May 25, 2017
Top Gun 2: Maverick is arrested for cashing bad checks and unsuccessfully attempts to bribe the police officer with sex.
— ever had your ass kicked by a librarian (@HalpernAlex) May 25, 2017
Top Gun 2: Goose survived his ejection only to come back as an evil Russian cyborg pilot that Maverick must kill.
— EephusToo (@artfulforge) May 27, 2017
Top Gun 2 is just gonna be Maverick and Ice Man having a drone-off from a bunker in Nevada
— Thickie Don (@AstrosCounty) May 25, 2017
Is Top Gun 2 going to be about Maverick being replaced by an 18 year old kid piloting a drone on a computer screen from 100k miles away?
— PhantoMantis (@PhantoMantis) May 25, 2017
Maverick: I feel the need…
Iceman: …the need for…
Together: … Stronger reading glasses!
— TOP GUN 2#topgun2
— Richard Ritenbaugh (@RRitenbaugh) May 25, 2017
I though the sequel featured Maverick, now retired, flying armed crop dusters in a county with a name he can't pronounce.
— Dr Rob Thompson (@DrRobThompson) June 21, 2017
"Top Gun 2: Maverick's retirement frustration completing VA forms." There's your new title for your latest reboot Hollywood. You're welcome.
— Jasper Rocha (@Jasper_3) June 3, 2017