In his final few days as the acting Secretary of the Navy, Thomas Modly had one thing left he just had to get done — and it wasn't reinstating Capt. Brett Crozier to his previous post as the commander of the USS Theodore Roosevelt.
No, Modly's last act was to try to name the first of a new class of FFG(X) frigates the USS Agility, according to a report from USNI News.
“I am honored to name this entire class of fast frigates after the kind of uniquely American brand of agility — agility that wins, and agility that will shape our maritime presence and ability to fight wherever we are called upon to do so,” a buzzword-heavy draft announcement of the new names reportedly said.
However, seeing as Modly won't get the chance to do that, we here at Task & Purpose figured we'd toss a few other suggestions into the ring now that the acting secretary is out.
Our first suggestion, is of course the USS COVI— WAIT! No, no, hell no. We're not doing that. That's as bad of an idea as sacking the commanding officer of a nuclear aircraft carrier for sending an email to too many people, then doubling down on that decision and flying thousands of miles to yell at the crew about how good of a decision it was, before suddenly turning around and apologizing because, you guessed it, it was a stupid decision. And then resigning.
However, we do have some other suggestions for ship names in the same vein as the USS Agility that Modly could have used if, you know, all that hadn't happened.
Without further ado:
USS Great Power Competition
USS Joint All Domain Command And Control
USS Stupid and Naive
USS Morale Booster
USS Brett Crozier
USS Grooming Standards
USS Hands In Pockets
USS You Don’t Need To Like Your Job You Just Need To Do It
USS False Motivation Is Better Than No Motivation
USS How Many Investigations Are We On Now?
USS 30-50 Feral Hogs
USS Please God Someone Just Evacuate Us Already