13 titles for James Mattis's upcoming book that are better than 'Call Sign Chaos'


Former defense secretary James Mattis plans on dropping a book in July, and we couldn't be more excited.

According to the Associated Press, 'Call Sign Chaos: Learning To Lead' won't follow the traditional Trump-era tell-all formula. Instead, Mattis's tome will offer an "expansive account" of his lifetime of public service from the the beginning of the Global War on Terror to, yes, his time leading the Pentagon

"I'm old-fashioned: I don't write about sitting Presidents, so those looking for a tell-all will be disappointed," Mattis said in a statement to the Associated Press. "I want to pass on the lessons and experiences that prepared me for challenges I could not anticipate, not take up the hot political rhetoric of our day."

This capsule description sounds fitting for a Marine general so disciplined and methodical that he's known as a "warrior monk" of Washington. But I have one objection so far: the title sucks.

Yes, all beach-season DC reads have terrible titles (with the exception of maybe "This Town," which is both accurate description and furious epithet all in one), but "Call Sign Chaos" sounds like a direct-to-DVD movie from the studio that brought America "Sharknado."

Perhaps Mattis wanted to do permanently do away with the "Mad Dog" monicker he so despised during his time in the Pentagon E-Ring and forever supplant it with a reminder that Colonel Has An Outstanding Solution. A book is a chance to do that among a civilian audience, I get it.

But at the same time: come on. This is James Mattis! This is the same man who, as I noted last week, once told Iraqi leaders, "I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I'll kill you all!" He deserves better than 'Call Sign Chaos'!

To wit, the Task & Purpose edit team came up with a few, uh, unauthorized suggestions for working titles. We hope Chaos likes them and doesn't knife hand us to death in our sleep (pro tip: if you're running out of ideas, just take the name of a romantic comedy and swap in "kill" for a word):

  • Meditations on Lethality
  • Meditations In An Insurgency
  • PowerPoint Makes Us Stupid And Other Mattis Truths
  • Sleepless in Syria: The James Mattis Story
  • The Most Important Six Inches: The James Mattis Story
  • F*ck This Town: The James Mattis Story
  • F*ck With Me And I'll Kill You All: The James Mattis Story
  • Four Funerals And Another Funeral
  • How To Kill A Guy In 10 Days
  • Silver Linings Killbook
  • Lethal In Seattle
  • The Passion Of The Mattis
  • Fifty Shades of Mattis

I never said these were good.

SEE ALSO: 30 Books Mattis Thinks Every Good Leader Needs To Read

WATCH NEXT: Our Top 5 Favorite Mattis Quotes

Army and Air Force Exchange Service officials are warning soldiers and military families to be aware of scammers using the Exchange's logo.

In a news release Wednesday, Exchange officials said scammers using the name "Exchange Inc." have "fooled" soldiers and airmen to broker the sale of used cars, trucks, motorcycles, boats and boat engines.

Read More Show Less

KABUL (Reuters) - The Islamic State (IS) militant group claimed responsibility on Sunday for a suicide blast at a wedding reception in Afghanistan that killed 63 people, underlining the dangers the country faces even if the Taliban agrees a pact with the United States.

The Saturday night attack came as the Taliban and the United States try to negotiate an agreement on the withdrawal of U.S. forces in exchange for a Taliban commitment on security and peace talks with Afghanistan's U.S.-backed government.

Islamic State fighters, who first appeared in Afghanistan in 2014 and have since made inroads in the east and north, are not involved in the talks. They are battling government and U.S.-led international forces and the Taliban.

The group, in a statement on the messaging website Telegram, claimed responsibility for the attack at a west Kabul wedding hall in a minority Shi'ite neighborhood, saying its bomber had been able to infiltrate the reception and detonate his explosives in the crowd of "infidels".

Read More Show Less
U.S. Air Force/Tech. Sgt. Brian Kimball

Editor's Note: This article by Oriana Pawlyk originally appeared on Military.com, a leading source of news for the military and veteran community.

Calling aviation geeks in New York City: The British are coming.

In their first visit to the United States since 2008, the Royal Air Force "Red Arrows" will perform an aerial demonstration next week over the Hudson River, according to an Air Force news release. F-35 Joint Strike Fighters, the Air Force Thunderbirds and Navy Blue Angels demonstration teams will also be part of the show.

Read More Show Less
U.S. Air National Guard/Staff Sgt. Michelle Y. Alvarez-Rea

Frances and Efrain Santiago, natives of Puerto Rico, wanted to show their support last month for protesters back home seeking to oust the island's governor.

The couple flew the flag of Puerto Rico on the garage of their Kissimmee home. It ticked off the homeowners association.

Someone from the Rolling Hills Estates Homeowners Association left a letter at their home, citing a "flag violation" and warning: "Please rectify the listed violation or you may incur a fine."

Frances Santiago, 38, an Army veteran, demanded to know why.

Read More Show Less
Todd Rosenberg/AP

A West Point graduate received a waiver from the U.S. Army to sign with the Philadelphia Eagles on Friday, and play in the NFL while serving as an active-duty soldier.

The waiver for 2nd Lt. Brett Toth was first reported by ESPN's Adam Schefter, who said that Toth signed a three-year deal with the Eagles. Toth graduated from the U.S. Military Academy in 2018.

Read More Show Less