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Last week, I asked readers to submit one sentence of U.S. military jargon that makes sense to military personnel yet incomprehensible to civilians. Here are 22 excellent responses.

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Opening card of the U.S. army WWII short animated films “Private Snafu”

Vote for your favorite by sending the number to

Winner gets a signed copy of one of Tom’s books. Runner-up gets two signed books.

1. Trent Hahn: “Hey shitbird, get your pog dickbeaters off my fucking nods.”

2. James Dickey: “As the INSCOM CHOPS, I promulgated ALARACTS, staffed and published CG directed WARNOs and OPORDs, and served as the primary POC for RFIs from subordinate MIB CDRs.”

3. James Dickey: “I was hip deep in my MCOO when the S-3 published the WARNO and, wouldn't you know it, I'd spent three hours fat fingering IV lines only to find out I was working on the wrong AO.”

4. A Pentagon public affairs round from Dave Moniz: “I dropped the UXO at CHINFO on my way to the POAC at O DARK 30.”

5. Adam Carlson: “Some blue falcon ratfucked the box and only left triple C.”

6. Curiousity, PhD: “We're Winchester on bombs”

7. Michael McCoy: “With the NEO CONOP activation and SPMAGTF going hot the DONSA is called off and CCDR needs the FUPLANS OPT to refine the TCP LOE’s, IMO’s, & MOP/MOEs NLT COB today.”

8. William Treadway: “You won’t believe this: A Troop SP’d from COP Sablaghay at 0430 on a MTC, CUOPS reported TIC at 0615, so Squadron FSO and his battle buddy Mike Golf adjusted POF and cleared a ROZ for the pink team to give the on-ground commander rotary fires, but Apache White *still* went black on Class V anyway down at the two-way firing range, so of course, the good idea fairy at the Brigade 4 shop brilliantly ordered a speedball full of Class I *only* and the -60s from Lift dropped them a K from the DZ on some poor SOB’s jingle truck rolling down RTE 1 and now Brigade ADSO says I’ve gotta do the GD AGAR on it!”

9. Linda Adams: “First shirt wants us to doubletime to the AO, so we're picking up 5.56 mike mikes and loading them into Oh-Two for a mission out to Log Base Alpha.”

Two from Warner Anderson, a military medical type:

10. Medical, but incomprehensible at a civilian ER: “The SOCM used two CATs on rapid, and on secondary applied an Asherman to a sucking GSW, gave TXA and FDP, then called a 9-line in record time; all T-Triple-C.”

11. Operational: The ODA was on the ramp for a HALO infil but ISR was CHARLIE FOXTROT, so they were CANX and RTB.”

12. Ben Parry (who says “True story, btw”): “When we first ‘upgraded’ from BCS to AFATDS, oak leaves at DIVARTY were all doing no-handed push-ups, but it needed a piece status or it was all red gum balls in the box, so we couldn't hip shoot and Smoke was all ‘New Fido's a chickenwire canoe.’”


14. Matt Collins: “While F3EAD provides a robust process for conducting full spectrum CT operations, it must be leavened by a solid foundation of Phase Zero shaping operations to provide granular level, locally nuanced socio-cultural insights.”

15. Jon Lindley: “Check it out, fuckfaces, Top wants us to un-ass this AO like yesterday, then I need 2 for KP.”

16. Jay Hulbert: “Gunny says drop the pogey bait, grab your deuce gear, form on the grinder at 1500.”

17. Andy Bennett: This is dated from my time in DoD in mid-1990s, and as much civilian as military, but here goes: “We’re going to have an eyewig on de-mining in IFOR to prep for a Burger lunch or a Pickle.”

18. Chris Beyer: “My PCS to the AOC at JBER was such a charlie fox that after using my GTC for TLF, it went delinquent because of a SNAFU with PIPS, and my Shirt went full blue falcon and talked the CC into giving me an LOR.”

19. Jason Gammons: “Tell the CJSOAC LNO that the CONOP that his J5 put together for FARP and Golden Hour for the op scheduled for the next POD is like cat shit on a white hot hibachi.”

20. Jason Gammons: “Tell the 6 shop that if they don’t fix the damn KUS feed for the DCGO’s SA soda straw before BMT then we’re all screwed.”

21. Mike Mariano: “You got 1 mike to pop smoke before I pop a heater 40 mike mike in your fart sack for being low speed with your diggies pog, trackin?”

22. Mark Creaven: “Prepare to commence to begin to start putting on your gear”

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