Mattis vaccinated against COVID-19, proving he has a plan to kill every germ he meets

Insert 'knife hands' quip here.
Jeff Schogol Avatar
Former Defense Secretary James Mattis gets vaccinated for COVID-19. (Photo courtesy of the Washington National Guard.)

As America struggles through the dark winter of this never-ending novel coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, there is finally a bit of good news: Retired Marine Gen. James Mattis has received his first vaccination.

Mattis, a former defense secretary, is famous for being the only survivor when 300 Spartans fought the Persians at Thermopylae. He went on to declare that “PowerPoint makes us stupid.”

But even this crusty devil dog is not taking any chances against COVID-19, so he was one of the first people to be inoculated by a Washington National Guard medic at one of four mass vaccination sites in the state, the Washington National Guard tweeted.

Army Gen. Daniel Hokanson, chief of the National Guard Bureau, retweeted a picture of Mattis being inoculated by a Guardsmen along with hashtag #inthistogether.

“General Mattis has done great things for our country and is continuing to do great things for his community,” tweeted Washington Gov. Jay Inslee.

An automotive expert consulted by Task & Purpose said it appeared that Mattis was driving a Lexus RX 350 when he got vaccinated. The retired Marine general doubtlessly selected the vehicle because it was the most lethal Lexus model that year.

Mattis — who is rumored to have translated Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations from Latin to the original Klingon — has also been outspoken about the need for people to wear masks in order to limit the spread of COVID.

“We’re gonna have to work together on this to get our friends and neighbors back to work, get to phase two, and start working back toward normal,” Mattis said in a video that was posted by the city of Richland, Washington, back in June. “So let’s wear those face coverings, and let’s work together on this to beat Covid.”

In other words: Mattis has a plan to kill COVID. It involves vaccines and masks. Prepare accordingly.

Featured image: Retired Marine Gen. Gen. Jim Mattis receives the COVID-19 at one of the Washington National Guard’s four mass vaccination sites in the state. (Photo courtesy of the Washington National Guard.)