The one time you want to be a HIMARS target is if it’s raining down Halloween candy on you
Fire for sweet, sugary effect.
The M142 High Mobility Artillery Rocket System, or HIMARS, has many uses. It can launch up to six rockets at a target 45 miles away and rapidly relocate. Alternatively, it can launch an Army Tactical Missile System (ATACMS) almost 200 miles. And, apparently, it can be used to rapidly disburse a wide array of candy at ranges of up to, oh, 100 feet.
Here’s a video from Fort Sill, Oklahoma, showing a HIMARS from 1-78 Field Artillery battalion firing a barrage of candy into a crowd of eager children.
This might be the one time it pays off to be a target for the HIMARS. The kids, of course, go nuts, racing to collect as many Reese’s peanut butter cups and Skittles as they can.
It’s hard to tell exactly what kind of sugary ordnance this HIMARS is launching, as the kids are just too eager to let any candy sit in this rain-soaked parking lot for too long. Hopefully, no one snuck any fruit or toothbrushes into the mix.
As for what would make the most effective candy munitions? Obviously, there is the Jawbreaker, which should probably be classified as a deadly weapon. Jolly Ranchers saved for weeks and hardened to a good tooth-chipping consistency could also work. Firing candy corn would, of course, likely just disgust the enemy into surrender.
No surrender for these kids, though, in what is certainly one of the best uses of a HIMARS this year. Of course, if the HIMARS can fire a candy bomb, is there any reason it can’t also be modified to fire some kind of Rip It, dip, and Burger King canister?
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