If a modern measure of power is the capacity to dominate the attention of others, then the Russia Ministry of Defense is a hot, powerful mess. Russian mercenaries rolling deep in Syria! Russian cargo planes crashing in Syria! Russian leaders pounding down popcorn while Washington spirals deeper and deeper into a pit of feverish despair. I am goddamn sick and tired of hearing about Russia doing all sorts of cool shit.

What’s that? Have you a brief video to allay my rage and lighten my spirits? Glory fucking be, tell me more:

Look, defensive handgun combatives are no joke, especially in the close-quarters of room-clearing in urban shooting galleries like, say, Mosul or Raqqa. But damn, there’s just something about a grizzled Russian, likely stinking of vodka, rolling around on the floor in search of a quick and effective dick punch. It’s very reminiscent (or so I’m told by our mustachioed commandant) of David Carradine’s bullet dodging in Kung Fu: The Legend Continues.

Guns photo

Anyway, Russia’ elite KSSO special operations forces turned five last week, so there’s that. But at least their regular routines are as dumb and weird as ours!