Hello, you up there in the sky: I am trying to reach whoever is flying the unidentified aircraft that sailors and Navy pilots keep seeing.

As a designated representative of the people of Earth and the city of Alexandria, Virginia, I have a very urgent question for you: Do you happen to be from China?

Some folks are convinced that you are from another planet or a parallel dimension, but what I really want to know is if you have any connections to the People’s Liberation Army.

In case you haven’t heard, China is the strategic pacing threat for the Defense Department, which is Pentagon-speak for: Their military comes close to rivaling our own. The U.S. military says it needs hundreds of billions of dollars to be ready for the Big War with China, which will finally give the generals and admirals the chance to try out the high tech and ruinously expensive gadgets that are meant for the types of wars America is good at – unlike the conflicts of the past 20 years.

Don’t get me wrong, it would be neat if the unidentified zoomies that swarmed the destroyer USS Kidd and other ships in 2019 were controlled by beings from a galaxy far, far away. However, I’m much more interested if they use Huawei Technologies, which allegedly have “back doors” allowing the company to spy on mobile networks and have been deemed by the U.S. government as tool of the devil – much like the Defense Travel System

Should it turn out that the UFOs are actually proof of intelligent extraterrestrial life visiting Earth, I have a few questions for the alien aviators: Have you also flown over China? If so, could you please send us any video footage you have of the dreaded J-20 fighter jet in action?

If the aliens have not yet visited China, do you know any other extraterrestrial species that made a rest stop at Yulin Naval Base on Hainan Island? I am especially interested if any alien tourists snapped pictures of any Jin Class ballistic missile submarines.

For those of you wondering why I am singularly focused on China, it’s because the Pentagon has pretty much talked about nothing else since the National Defense Strategy came out in 2018. That’s about the time that the military started describing China as more than an adversary, but as the Angel of Death gearing up for the Battle of Armageddon.

In January 2019, Acting Defense Secretary Patrick Shanahan – remember him? – told commanders to focus on “China, China, China,” and that has become a creepy mantra for most defense officials ever since.

Adm. Craig Faller, the head of U.S. Southern Command, recently described China as “the greatest long-term strategic threat to security in the 21st century.” Ely Ratner, who is leading the Defense Department’s China Task Force, said that China poses a problem that “cuts into almost every single functional issue and, frankly, increasingly every geographic issue that we – that we deal with.”

At this moment, I’m sure there is a general or flag officer somewhere in the Pentagon who is about to scream “China!’ as he reaches the climax of an intimate encounter with his hand.

Now you can see why I want to know if the UFOs that seem to be fixated on the Navy come from Beijing rather than Arrakis, of Frank Herbert’s Dune, and home of “the spice.”

I am somewhat less interested in whether these strange aircraft come from Russia because the U.S. government has been stuck in a never-ending victory lap since the end of the Cold War.

Should any UFO pilots read this, please drop me a line. If you really are from the People’s Republic of China, then you already have my phone number along with all my other personal information that has been stolen during numerous hacks of government and commercial computer systems.

Or, you could send me a TikTok video.

Featured image: UFO flying in the sky, illustration. (Photo by: SCIENCE PHOTO LIBRARY via AP Images)

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