There may be no bigger troll than a fake text telling you you’ve been conscripted into the United States military, and according to U.S. Army Recruiting Command, texts saying exactly that have been fluttering around the country.
“We tried contacting you through mail several times and have had no response,” read one of the text messages. “You’ve been marked eligible and must come to the nearest branch in Jacksonville Florida area for immediate departure to Iran … you’ll be fined and sent to jail for minimum 6 years if no reply.”
But fear not, citizen: You don’t actually have to report for duty immediately or risk possible jail time.
USAREC assured citizens in a statement on Tuesday that the texts are fraudulent. The U.S. hasn’t had a draft since 1973, and even if it did, the Selective Service system would initiate the draft, not the Army, the command explained.
“The Selective Service System is conducting business as usual,” USAREC said, citing the Selective Service’s Facebook page. “In the event that a national emergency necessitates a draft, Congress and the President would need to pass official legislation to authorize a draft.”
Still, with all this talk about war with Iran going on, Americans are worried that a draft might spring into place at any moment.
In fact, the Selective Service tweeted on Friday that its website crashed from high traffic volume “due to the spread of misinformation.”
Even if there were a draft (and if the Selective Service didn’t exist), the military wouldn’t need to send texts in order to draft some poor 18-year-old desperate for love and validation. They could just use Tinder for that.