Do you remember the first time you saw a Rembrandt painting in real life and it gripped you? Can you recall the vomit-soaked giddiness of your shop’s first bachelor party? Reader: Prepare yourself for the next level. We have found The Most Marine Corps Wedding Ever Compiled In A Single Tweet:
https://twitter.com/vivianhottenbox/status/1020896342909095938
This tweet has everything. Marines rocking the morning-after, puked-so-hard-my-shirt-came-untucked look. Incredibly patient spouse. Soberest guy standing at a respectful parade rest in his PT gear. A junior sailor officiating in his Navy-issue raincoat. Hooters. A wedding night in the company bay. A modified judogi. Divorce.
“This is my black belt, Mother. From Marines.”Twitter
Amazingly, that’s not actually a martial arts getup, just a bridegroom who stumbled out of the ’90s right into this ceremony, and, like, needed to expedite things because there was an OJ-and-vodka bottle in the beach parking lot waiting to be gargled:
He was just disheveled and it was 2000, so that hanging belt thing was a thing. I think.
By that point, I had been told just minutes earlier to get a move on as they weren’t sure he wouldn’t pass out soon.
Magical day. Just…magical.
— TeacHER (@vivfighterofmen) July 22, 2018
Also, that’s not a priest.
Well, it *was* technically a military wedding. The officiant was a kid in my class who got his license online, and wore the all-weather coat in July to add, I dunno, respectability?
— TeacHER (@vivfighterofmen) July 22, 2018
And while “Semper Fi” may not have applied in this particular case, let’s at least file it under “Semper Freaky.”
I have a picture of when the guys all dog-piled me when he pronounced us man and wife, too
— TeacHER (@vivfighterofmen) July 22, 2018
We salute you, @vivanhottenbox — even though, as a Navy vet yourself, you knew better. Thank you for your service, in all its forms.